A D/s contract, written together.

A D/s contract is a written record of what two people have agreed about their dynamic: the shape of it, the rules, the limits, the safewords, and how either of you can change or end it. It has no legal force, and nobody should ever be told otherwise. Its value is somewhere else entirely.

Writing something down forces it to be specific. “Be respectful” becomes three things you can actually picture. A limit somebody mentioned once over dinner becomes a line both of you have read. And when the two of you remember a conversation differently six weeks later, there is a page to look at instead of an argument to have.

The point of a contract is the conversation it makes you have, not the signature.

Talk first, then write. A contract drafted by one person and handed to the other for signing is a list of demands with a dotted line on it, however kindly it is meant. Sit down together, ideally at a quiet time that is not straight after a scene, and work through it section by section.

• Both of you write. The submissive’s words belong in it as much as the Dominant’s, especially in the sections about limits and care.
• Start smaller than you think. A first contract that covers a month and a handful of rules is better than a twelve-page document nobody can keep.
• Nothing is agreed by silence. If one of you is unsure about a line, it stays out until you are both sure.

Copy this outline into a document and fill in each part in your own words. Leave out anything that does not fit your dynamic, and add whatever is missing. There is no correct length.

• Who and when. Your names or the names you use with each other, the date, and how long this version lasts before you look at it again.
• The kind of dynamic. In a sentence or two: what you are to each other, and whether it is part-time, for certain hours or settings, or something you live in all week.
• What each of you is offering. What the Dominant takes on — guidance, attention, care, decisions — and what the submissive offers in return.
• Rules and rituals. The standing rules, the daily rituals and any protocols, each written so either of you could tell whether it was kept.
• Limits. Hard limits that are never on the table, soft limits that need talking about first, and anything that is a “not yet”.
• Safewords and signals. The words that slow things down and stop them, and a non-verbal signal for when words are not possible.
• Aftercare. What each of you tends to need after a scene or a hard day, including the Dominant.
• Privacy. Who knows about the dynamic, what may be shared and with whom, and what happens to photos and messages.
• Health and real life. Work, family, illness, money: the things that always come first, written down so nobody has to argue for them on a bad day.
• Changing it, pausing it, ending it. How either of you asks for a change, how a pause works, and the plain statement that either of you can end the dynamic at any time.
• Review date. When you will sit down and read it again together.

The most common problem with a first contract is not that it asks too much, but that it is too vague to know when it has been kept. “Check in regularly” could mean anything. “Send a message by ten each morning saying how you slept” cannot be misunderstood. Wherever you can, write what will happen, when, and what counts as done.

Equally, leave room to be human. A rule with no allowance for illness, travel or a terrible week is a rule that will be broken by life rather than by choice, and the contract will start to feel like a list of failures. Say in the contract itself how a skipped day is asked for, and agree that asking is not failing.

A good contract is specific about the rules and generous about real life.

A contract signed and filed away is out of date within a couple of months, because the dynamic it describes keeps changing. Set a review date when you sign — one, three, six or twelve months are all sensible — and treat the review as a good evening rather than an audit. Read it together, say what has drifted, and change the words to match the relationship you actually have.

Between reviews, either of you can ask to change something at any time, and safewords, limits and the right to stop never wait for a review date. If you are just starting out, our guide to starting a D/s relationship covers the first conversations, and the guide to rules for a submissive has examples for that section.

In My Dynamic, the contract writes its own first draft. The kind of dynamic, your safewords, your limits, your aftercare and every active rule you have already written are gathered onto one page, with room for anything else you agree and a review period of one, three, six or twelve months. One of you proposes it, the other reads and signs, and the signed version is kept exactly as it was signed.

If a rule or a limit changes afterwards, the contract says so — “Changed since it was signed” — and the way to agree the change is a new version, with the old one kept. Both of you are reminded before the review date, and either of you can print it or save it as a PDF. See how limits and agreements are kept.