Looking for an Obedience alternative?

It is worth being fair about this first, because the best reason to switch apps is a real one. Obedience is a habit tracker for couples in a BDSM dynamic. The Dominant sets habits and tasks, the submissive keeps them, and points, rewards and punishments keep score. It runs on iPhone, Android and the web, it is quick to set up, and its paid plan adds photo proof, a discreet mode and a passcode lock.

If what the two of you want is a short list of daily habits and a scoreboard to go with it, Obedience does that simply, and there is no reason to move. Switching apps has a cost: a week or two of setting things up again, and the risk that a routine which was working quietly stops. Only pay that cost for something you will actually use.

Switch for something you need, not for a longer feature list.

When couples go looking for something else, it is usually for one of a handful of reasons. See which of these sound like you, because each one points at a different app.

• The dynamic is more than habits now. Early on, a list of habits is the dynamic. Later there are standing rules, rituals at set times of day, things that need asking first, and a daily word about how the submissive is doing. A habit tracker holds some of that; the rest ends up in texts and notes.
• Both of you paying. Obedience’s own site says the full experience needs premium on both partners’ phones, and it is priced per person. Some apps cover a couple on one subscription instead.
• The points stopped fitting. For some couples a scoreboard is the fun of it. For others it starts to feel like the relationship is being run as a game, and they want the structure without the score.
• Chastity, check-ins or a journal. We could not find chastity tracking, mood check-ins or a shared journal on Obedience’s site; its makers publish journaling as a separate app, Embrace. Couples who want those alongside everything else tend to look for one app that holds them all.

Talk these through together before either of you signs up for anything. They take ten minutes and save a second move later.

• What are we actually missing? Name the two or three things you keep doing outside the app. That list is what the next app has to do; everything else is a bonus.
• What do we want to keep? If the streaks and points are part of what makes it work for you, choose an app that has them, rather than one that is better on paper.
• App store or browser? Some people want an app they downloaded from the App Store or Google Play. Others prefer a web app that leaves nothing with its name on in an app-store account. Both are reasonable.
• Who pays? Check whether one subscription covers both of you, and what keeps working if you stop paying.

These are the apps couples most often move to, described from their own websites. Our comparison page has them side by side with Obedience, with prices, feature by feature.

Kneel is the closest in spirit to a fuller Obedience: tasks with photo proof, rituals with streaks, permission requests, daily check-ins, contracts and chastity tracking, in both app stores, with one subscription covering both partners and a strong emphasis on privacy and biometric locks. If you want to stay in the app stores and get more of the dynamic in one place, look here first.

SubTasks keeps the game: points, streaks, achievements, a points shop and a journal the Dominant can react to. A great deal of it works without paying anything. If the scoreboard is what you love about Obedience, this is the natural next step.

Chaster is a chastity app rather than a relationship app. If chastity is the missing piece and you are happy keeping it separate from everything else, it is the best known. Our guide to chastity apps covers it and the others in that corner.

My Dynamic, which we make, is for couples who want the whole relationship in one private place, and it is a web app rather than an app-store app. More on it at the end.

The risky part of switching is not the new app. It is the week in between, when the old routine has stopped and the new one has not started. A little planning keeps the dynamic running through it.

• Write it all down first. Before you leave, list every habit, task, reward and punishment you use in Obedience. Apps rarely import from each other, so this list is what you will set up from.
• Sort the list. Some habits are really daily rituals, some are standing rules, and some are one-off tasks. A fuller app lets each one be the right kind of thing, which is half the point of moving.
• Set it up together. Sit side by side for the first evening rather than one person configuring everything and presenting it. The submissive’s side of the screen is where an app succeeds or quietly gets abandoned.
• Pick a start day. Choose a day, stop logging in the old app, and start in the new one. Running both in parallel sounds safe but usually means twice the admin and nothing done properly in either.
• Review after two weeks. Talk about whether the new app is helping or just adding admin, and trim whatever nobody is using.

Carry over the routine, not the app. The routine is what was working.

My Dynamic is built for couples whose dynamic has outgrown a single list. Daily protocols, written rules, tasks with photo proof, asking permission, mood check-ins, a journal, a private chat, a shared calendar and chastity lock-ups all live in one place, each as its own kind of thing. Some things need both of you to say yes before they start, either of you can pause the dynamic at any moment, and proof photos are deleted once they have been reviewed, unless the two of you choose to keep them.

It is a web app you add to your home screen, and one subscription covers you both. See the tour of the features, or how it compares with Obedience and the rest.